Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I love having hate sex.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
