life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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