You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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