I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
