Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
