You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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