Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
