There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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