There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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