It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
