When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
