I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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