i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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