watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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