Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
