i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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