Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
