so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
