So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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