At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
