I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
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