So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
