Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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