Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
