Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
