Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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