I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
