I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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