Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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