so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
