who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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