Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
