it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
