I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
