I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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