yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
