Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
