masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
