FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
