accomplished twins. life is a go
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
