tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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