his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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