don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
