"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
