my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
