he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
