OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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