You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We don't watch enough power rangers
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
