you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
