jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
