it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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