Sry I called you an 8
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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