Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
