he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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