It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
