So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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