I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
