I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
