dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
