hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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