The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
