hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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