I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
