Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
